We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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