I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
