i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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