you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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