just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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