I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
