So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize