The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
