i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize