i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
