why im i the only drunk person in the library?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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