No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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