every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
