So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize