just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We were destined to go to rehab together
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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