I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
