Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
