he shaved USA in his pubs
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You're like the curious george of whores
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
