You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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