Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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