words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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