Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
