This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
