capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Too much gin, very little bucket
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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