NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have feelings that need drinking.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
