A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it glows. i had to have it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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