My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think your dad took our porno
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
