I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
