Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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