Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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