you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I came so hard my ears popped.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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