a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
