Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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