Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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