i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
