I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
