The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize