the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
