dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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