My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
