he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
