Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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