Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
