I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
