Already got asked if we're dating
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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