please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
