drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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