My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
