just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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