his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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