I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
there's paper in my vomit.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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