im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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