I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
