i love accidental penises.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
