Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
