You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
