Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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