Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
