she was so not down for the gang bang
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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