I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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