I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
