Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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